Monday, August 30, 2010

Mondays are NOT for Wimps

Since I work retail, I don't usually have weekends off, so I never have the 'OMG, it's Monday' feelings like most of the working class.  I prefer it that way - I hardly ever have one day of the week that I dread.

That all ended today.  Once a month, the Mouse graciously insists I take a weekend off.  This past weekend was my designated pretend-you-are-like-everyone-else-and-be-off-work-Saturday and Sunday.  That was all fine and good until this morning.

I should have know I was in trouble when Sunday night I lay in bed willing myself to sleep.  Seriously - when has that EVER worked?  The clock marched along it's assigned path... 1am, 2am,3am.  I know it clicked off because I got the pleasure of watching each of those hours make an appearance all the while mentally adding up how many hours of sleep I would get if I could just fall asleep right NOW.  Didn't work.

I NEVER work Monday mornings. It's a company rule that my boss open every Monday, so I didn't worry too much about the time until abruptly realizing in the wee hours of the dawn that I did in fact have the opening shift today.  You know that feeling when you realize that you are going to be late before you are even awake enough to get out of bed?  Yeah, me too.

Racing down the Sawgrass Expwy sent my breakfast bowl with the tiny droplets of leftover soy milk sliding off the seat and under my feet.   While I was scrambling to move the bowl to keep it from lodging under the brake pedal, the guy behind me decides his horrible weekend was apparently all my fault. He comes flying around me, cuts me off and slows to within a foot of my bumper. Nice!  Seriously - do you feel better now, lardhead?

Get to work only to find that I have 2 surprise guests waiting for me outside the store - so much for 'hey, it's only 10 minutes. No one will care.' Now I have created Monday chaos for 2 innocent bystanders.

I boot up our 4 register computer system only to see the "blue screen of death" appear on each one - not once, not twice but yes, lucky three.   On the phone with our IT department who is apparently having a Monday morning of their own didn't make the morning any brighter.  I could go on but it just goes downhill from here and hey, who wants to hear that?  Suffice it to say,  Monday just lived up to it's reputation.

My boss, who was trying to enjoy a very much deserved day off, made the mistake of calling to check-in.  He got my entire Monday tirade - good thing he is such a great guy.  I did, however, beg him that if he has just one single drop of compassion in his body, to please, please never inflict another Monday morning on me.  Seriously!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Can You Spare a Quarter?

Money is tight everywhere.  Companies are having to come up with creative new ways to appeal to the shrinking disposable income of most Americans.   Families look for ways to squeeze a little more out of their already screaming wallets.   Creativity has become the word of survival.

The money squeeze has now hit a cottage industry that I never considered - the cardboard sign man.  Every town has them, the apparently homeless men (and women) that stand at the end of an off-ramp with a homemade sign asking for work or money.   All I can say is that it must be hard everywhere.

The sign at the end of the ramp today said:


What?  You want me to throw a quarter at you?  Seriously?  I LOVE it! Talk about Creative!  Some marketing exec needs to snatch this guy up quick!    

Thursday, August 26, 2010

It's a Conspiracy

Okay, I'm on a diet. I went into double digit clothes so something has to change.  Frankly, I can't afford to buy new stuff so the easiest answer seemed to be to lose the extra 20 and get back into my own clothes.  Yeah, right.  I haven't dieted in years.  Usually, when I picked up 5 or so extra pounds, I just stopped eating Taco Bell, Mickey D's and Checkers and PRESTO... the extra baggage was gone.  Seems I might have ignored the upward climb too long this time and it has gotten outta hand.  So, drastic measures are called for... No fast food, No snacking, No after 6pm eating and No ice cream!

I was good for the first few weeks; I had my resolution to keep me company and a co-worker nagging me about my Coca Cola addiction.  6 lbs down so far.   What I need now is the cooperation of the advertising/marketing folks out there in TV land.  Seriously- is there a conspiracy to keep me fat?  Why is every commercial about food?  Close up pictures of pizza, burgers and cold Coke. And, it looks like everyone is having a GREAT time at all the restaurants I am currently not patronizing.  When did that happen? Will they all still be there when I come out of the 'diet cave'?  What happened to the endless car commercials, the 'Wait - call now and we'll double the offer' commercials, the embarrassing commercials about condoms, tampons, male enhancement and Zestra?   I don't see any of those ads anymore... All I see is food.  Even food that I wouldn't put in my mouth for money looks good! 

I am convinced someone has hacked my cable line and is controlling the commercials that are on my TV.  No channel is safe.  Even commercial-free Disney has some 'Pass the Plate' segment about foods around the world!  I tried watching the Food Network and that horrible show where the guy goes around the globe eating things that would normally make me yak. Maybe bugs aren't as bad as I think they are... he seems to enjoy them.

My brilliant alternative was to turn off the TV and catch up on episodes of my favorite shows on HULU.  Yeah, not so much. Someone please tell me when marketers caught on to the idea of inserting commercials into non-TV media. Seriously, I give up. Guess I will read for the next month.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Some of us work nights

Seriously - why do lawn companies send loud people and equipment into otherwise quiet neighborhoods at some ungodly hour of the morning?  I live in a gated community where the HOA provides the lawn care.  Sounds great, right?  Nope, not if you are asleep at 9am.

While I understand that a large portion of my neighbors do the 9 to 5 thing, I don't.  Hate it.  Do not ever want to do it again. My choice, I know, but why does the rest of the world revolve around up in the morning, off to work, home at night, early to bed? Retailers and Writers (of which I am both) don't follow that schedule. 

So to all of you garbage collectors, roof repairers, lawn care guys and construction workers out there - could you keep it down?   Some of us are trying to sleep!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

And so it begins...

Okay, I finally gave in... here I am in blogger land.  Who knew?  After years of denial,  I have decided that the internet is here to stay, blogging can be fun and I'm not going to be that old lady down the street with a million cats.  (Well, maybe in another 30 years, I will be the cat lady down the street).

So, to all of you out there in cyberspace, move over.  There is one more person who needs to be heard, read and loved.  I don't promise I will hear, read or love you back but hey, who knows.  Seriously, does the world really need another blogger?  Probably not, but hey, too late.  You never know what gems can fall out of someone's fingertips.