Hit By A Hummer

Today I was in a car accident. With a Hummer. On my street.  With a 5 year old.

On my way to work, I am just leaving my house, when I slow to drive over those ridiculous speed bumps the HOA put in to keep drivers from zooming through our quiet residential area.  Next to me are 2 small children in one of those horrid battery-operated cars that empty-headed parents buy for their 'need for speed' toddlers.  As I am easing over the speed bumps, BAM! 

I look down and there is the 5 year old offending driver smiling up at me as he puts his vehicle in reverse so he can drive around me. Seriously?   I power-down my window, giving him my best 'MOM' look and ask, 'where is your mother?'  The child stops, waves his arm and says, 'over there'.  I look up the street.  Deserted.  No responsible adult anywhere in sight.  Why am I surprised?


I ease down the street a few houses and find a garage door up. Ahha, surely this is the irresponsible parent lair.  Still no one over the age of consent anywhere in sight.  I get out of the car, and head up the driveway.  Finally, a door opens into the garage and a man with an armful of clothes heads for the washer on the back wall of the garage.  He turns when he hears me coming ... or maybe he heard the steam hissing out of my ears.  Either way, he walks toward me.  Just then, the 5 year old drives by, honking and waving his hand as he continues down the middle of the street.  The man smiles and waves back. Seriously?  I launch into my 'do you know what your son just did' speech, followed quickly by my 'shouldn't you be watching your children' speech.  The man just stares at me.  The 5 year old drives by again, honking and waving his hand as he continues down the middle of the street.  The man smiles, waves.  Seriously?  Has he not heard a word I just said about the dangers of letting your rugrats terrorize the roadways?  After I run out of words, the man calls the delinquient driver over.  He exchanges a few words with him in a language I cannot identify.  The child looks at me, looks at dad and smiles. Then he pulls his little hummer into the garage.  The dad nods his head at me and turns to walk back up the drive.

Okaaay.   It is then I realize that he did not understand a single word I had said.  But, at least I feel virtuous.  I saved the lives of two small children who were sure to be hit by a real car which would do some real damage.  Smiling, I get back in my car and pull away.  Just as I turn the corner of our street, I glance back down the block.  Yep,  there are the 2 pint-sized Andrettis heading down their drive and back out into the street.  Apparently, the Hummer just needed a potty run.